


Please Save Yourself

by Tamasha



Series: Built to Fall [4]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Break Up, But read the whole series for happy ending, Depression, Gay, Love, M/M, Modern Era, POV Arthur, Protective Arthur, Relationship(s), Sad, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-05 08:44:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18362576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tamasha/pseuds/Tamasha
Summary: Though it's heartbreaking, Arthur makes a tough choice he thinks is best for Merlin. But is it really what his boyfriend needs? Or does Arthur underestimate his importance to his boyfriend?





	Please Save Yourself

**Author's Note:**

> written by Tamara

Arthur had been trying for  _ months _ now to convince his boyfriend to get help. Things had been steadily getting worse for Merlin as more time went on, and it was absolutely infuriating to watch Merlin hurt himself and not be able to do anything about it. Arthur was a doctor, for Christ's sake! He should be able to save his own boyfriend from this debilitating depression.

Some days Arthur hated himself for not doing more. Pushing more. Checking in with Merlin or his housemates more often. It was so much easier to blame himself than Merlin. Because it  _ wasn't  _ Merlin's fault. It was the fucking depression. And there was only so much Arthur could actually  _ do _ .

After the first hospitalization, Merlin didn't talk to Arthur for  _ weeks _ . Arthur suffered through those long days knowing he had made the right decision, but hating himself nevertheless. Eventually, Merlin came around and they made up, but things were significantly more strained after that. It had been three months since that stay, and Merlin still hadn't improved, despite all his efforts to convince Arthur otherwise. Through those months Arthur had tried not to push too hard, or interfere too much, but watching Merlin slowly wither away was heartbreaking.

So Arthur made the decision to tell Lance and Gwen, Merlin's housemates, about Merlin's condition, so that he could have more eyes on him throughout the day. It had turned into a big fight and in the end Arthur had decided to dive into work and leave Merlin to his own devices.

However, it had been nearly a year since they met, and Arthur still didn't feel as if he had any right to tell Merlin what to do. And he was experienced enough to know that it was nearly impossible to help someone who didn't want to be helped. And clearly Arthur wasn't reason enough for Merlin to stay. So Arthur made the choice for both of them that he would end things. Because Merlin deserved better. He deserved someone who could actually save him. Not Arthur. Arthur wasn't good enough for the brilliant and wonderful man that was Merlin. And it was killing him to watch Merlin like this.

Arthur had made his choice. It was for the best. But that didn't mean his heart wasn't breaking. Gwen and Lance kept him posted, and from a distance, if needed, he could always make a call that would bring Merlin back into the hospital. But as it stands, anything Arthur has tried to help only made things worse, and the emotional strain wasn't worth it. Merlin deserved to focus on himself.

He didn't know if Merlin would be better off or not, but Arthur had to put Merlin first. This was the only solution he could think of. And Arthur wasn't sure he himself would be able to survive it. But if this was what saved Merlin, then he would do it.

**Author's Note:**

> I needed to post one from the perspective of the caretaker. Depression is hard to deal with for everyone involved. Don't worry, things get better for our boys. It always gets better. Stay safe, loves.


End file.
